One of my favorite things to share when I release a new novel is the blooper reel. I type really fast, and my fingers almost always get ahead of my brain. When I’m dictating instead of typing, my computer program is even more likely to come up with hilarious approximations to what I really tried to say.
I hope you enjoy the Unplanned blooper reel as much as I did.
Bloopers from Unplanned
Dictation Errors (My computer tries to understand my voice. It really does. But sometimes it fails epically.)
Her voice was too horse to allow her to talk on the phone. (Unless you’re Mr. Ed the talking horse, you probably don’t have that problem.)
Her heart was sobbing so hard when she got back to the couch. (Well, I guess if I was trying to get all poetic and emo it might have worked, but I imagine a sobbing heart would require a defibrillator or something.)
A man in uniform stood over Kennedy’s dad. (That’s supposed to be bed. If Kennedy’s dad hadn’t been overseas in China, you may have overlooked it.)
Dustin stretched his cheek. (Unless you do crazy yoga exercises with your face every day, you probably can’t do this. At least not as well as he does. You probably can, however, scratch your cheek without straining a muscle.)
She flashed the rest of breakfast down the toilet. (This is just wrong on so many different levels.)
Her salsa turned into loud, terrified shrieks. (No, this isn’t a line from Revenge of the Tacos. It was supposed to say Her sobs had.)
My Errors (I can’t blame these on a dictation program, a computer slipup, or anything besides my own overworked fingers or foggy brain.)
From where she sat, Kennedy could see his profile at an angle. (Aren’t all profiles seen at an angle?)
She flung her eyes open at the sound of a muffled Braham’s Lullaby coming from her bookback. (What’s a bookback, you’d like to know? I think it’s a cross between a book bag and a backpack, but I’m really not sure.)
Reuben and Willow were really the only people who would really care if she vanished. Had she really not made any other friends? (These two sentences have way too many instances of a particular word. They really do.)
By the time the image of his family finished loading, she had already read the captain. (I still don’t know if that’s Captain Ahab, Captain Picard, or Captain Crunch. I never got the chance to ask. I was too busy wondering what the caption said.)
Kennedy winced as her wrist cut against the handcuff. (I have heard of handcuffs cutting wrists before, but never the other way around. At least not until now. This does, however, make for a fun tongue twister.)